I'm just not ready!!

A week from today is when we'll officially "start school" for the year. I am in a mild panic, because I am so far from being ready it's not even amusing. There's lots of reasons, of course...

Having our AC out for almost 6 days in the last 3 weeks has thrown me for a loop, cuz when it's one of the hottest months in years here in north Georgia and your AC is out, about all you can do is lie around, panting, begging for the repairman to come. No cooking, no cleaning, no planning, no organizing is possible. Not for me, at least, spoiled that I am by modern technology.

The last 10 days I've had a monster of a cold - I'm only now, as I start to recover, realizing how very awful I've felt the last week or two - no wonder I have felt like doing nothing remotely productive! (the 4 day fever should have clued me in, I suppose...)

Having dh home the last couple of weeks has been stressful - not because of having him here, which we actually enjoy, but the specter of unemployment and financial ruin has caused me a Great Deal of Stress. Plus, there's all this uncertainty - what will he be doing next week? Still looking for work? Going across town during normal business hours for a 9-5 job? Starting a work from home job? Working nights at the grocery store down the street to keep some cash coming in while he continues to look? We just don't know!! And how will dh's schedule impact our schedule? If he commutes to a 9-5 job in the metro area, he might not be home until 7pm each night. If he works from home, will he take over my school room, or will he move into the basement spare room? When and how will we set up the basement area, and what will that do to my schoolroom supplies? If he's still looking, and/or working nights, that will impact what we do, how loud we can be, where we do things, etc. It's just maddening to me! I am a creature of routine and habit. I truly don't deal well with uncertainty and change. Sigh...

And these people! All these people in the blogosphere, oh my goodness! Homeschooling moms are some of the most amazing, creative, dedicated people in the world, they really are. Check out this Carnival, the Loveliness of Back to School. Check out Lapaz Home Learning and By Sun and Candlelight, just to name a couple of examples of "Wow! These moms have it TOGETHER!" kind of blogs.

And that's just not me! One of my email lists had a post today from someone talking about how everyone seemed so "perfect" and she felt rather intimidated, and oh, how I can agree with her sometimes! So, I am here to announce to all my readers (all 4 of you! :-) that I am NOT perfect. My schoolroom's a mess, my desk is a disaster, my life is in turmoil, and I'm just not ready!

And you know what? That's ok. The Lord has given me this precious family and this crazy life, and I am certain He knows what He's doing. This is where I'm at right now. Others are in different places. We all do the best that we can, and for some people, some years, that best looks AMAZING. Some of us, in some years, their best is more subtle, more cluttered. I am confident that my children are learning ALL THE TIME, not just when they're sitting down with me Doing Something. I will do my best with what I've got, I will get as much ready as I can, and next week, we'll start slowly with just some basics (reading and math, some art and religion projects, some read a louds). I think perhaps what I'm meant to learn from this is that it's not about the Lesson Plans. I just dearly love to plan, and think about organizing (the actually doing of it, not so much ! ;-) and I can totally get carried away with it all. I don't need to have each and every minute of every day planned out, cuz with my kids, that will Just Never Work.

When I think about my "style" of homeschooling, I think the word that fits the best is not unschooling, not eclectic, not classical or Charlotte Mason or anything like that. I think I've decided that I"m a "stretchy" homeschooler. My life twists and bends, we pull things tight and work really hard for awhile, but we can't do that too long or we'll become brittle and break. We'll relax back down and be flexible and comfortable before we stretch a bit again. This year, I need to start out slowly and carefully, without pulling too tightly too quickly, because we're a little bit bent right now.

Stretchy. I like that! Maybe I'm ready after all! :-)